sin

sin will always take you farther than what you wanted to go, and cost you more than you were willing to spend...

[not my thought but a good one...]

who i am meets who i should be

there’s this song by a band that i really like called ‘who i am meets who i’ve been’... and i like that track. and this morning i have woken up thinking about who carl should be, and how massively detached i am from him. in fact, i am not even close to who i should (and could) have been.

and then while thinking upon such things and while the heart was heavy i turned to my bible- hoping for some encouragement, maybe a little bit of consolation. i had no such luck... turning to psalm 84 i read: ‘my soul longs and even faints for the courts of the Lord. my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.’

well now. that’s a standard. that’s a benchmark in terms of desire. i know only about myself so i’ll comment only about him... im not even close to that! maybe about twice a year i can honestly say that my heart cries out for God. maybe you are different? im not.

normally when people (especially Christians) talk like this (and by ‘like this’ i mean down at themselves... they normally abate their point right at the end y saying something like one of the following:
- no body is perfect
- thank goodness for Grace that sets me right (if you are christian)
- im only human

in this post there will be no such meandering. i should be more. i could be more. i must be more. this is my only chance.

in closing, there is one more point to consider. who i could have been today doesn’t really matter- im not him. could’ve been him but i’m just me. all i have this morning is who i am and that’s who i must work on, that’s who i must enjoy. that’s who has to live today. and when there is depravity there is a need. and when i need i ask. and when im desperate i ask wholeheartedly. i cry out...

make this something normal into something beautiful...

the vacuum in my Bible...

I was surprised to learn, only just recently, that there is a ‘vacuum’ in my bible: between the time that Malachi (the last book in the Old Testament) finishes and Matthew (first book in the New Testament) starts, there seems to be a void of undocumented history. 300 years of it to be precise.

That fact alone is not all that amazing but when I started to look at a few patterns that led to this ‘vacancy of information’, I learnt some interesting lessons on the character of God. I was helped along this journey very much by Philip Yancey in his book ‘Disappointment with God’.

Let’s look at the trend: God makes Adam and Eve. He is directly involved in their lives and personally kicks them out of the garden when they sin. Next up comes Cain. Even though humans are now away from direct contact with God, when Cain kills Abel, he deals with Cain personally and punishes him then and there. To me, God seems like an angry parent who sends their child to be in his room due to direct and severe misbehaviour. Anyway, with the Israelites he was involved. He dealt personally with Abraham and then later with Moses as he led his people to freedom.

Then what?

Then he stepped back and let man be his voice... No, I’m not talking about Jesus. Not yet anyway. Then came the prophets. God’s voice without God speaking it. It seems to me that during the time of the prophets, God’s heart was slowly breaking. There are many times that God sounds like a hurt and wounded lover who can’t decide whether or not to take back his dirty, slutty wife or to punish her forever by casting her away from him.

This carries on but it seems like God being close to humans is too much for him to bear, and so he backs away and backs away....

And then comes the vacuum. The dead space. God goes quiet. Maybe hurt once too many and unable to face the people he still so dearly loves. I dunno. But I do know that it was as if God disappeared. Centuries of silence.

Weird hey?

Sure, then came Jesus and he was to change things. A new testament. A new covenant. A new unspoiled blood that was to forever promise proximity to God.

Yet, I don’t know if that is the case totally. It seems that even since then God has moved in spurts. Or rather, He has retreated periodically throughout history even after the birth of Christ. I think the medieval times were one of these periods.

I just feel like I have stumbled upon an aspect of God that shows me that sometimes man can make Him unwillingly turn his back on man. Like a hurt lover.

I just want to learn how to be the man that shows God that this generation is not without hope. That there is no need to turn his back because he will take pleasure out of watching earth, or at least pieces of it.

Can my generation be outside the vacuum? Can I help to make it a period in history when God faces us front-on rather than a time when he turns his back to shed yet another tear for his fallen beloved?

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PLEASE NOTE: I have used poetic licence deluxe here. I have taken what many might see as a condecending approach to God that might offend. The truth is that the created will never understand the creator, and I was merely taking an angle that gave me a fresh (and I believe biblical) understanding of the nature of God.

momentum

momentum can’t start tomorrow. it already started yesterday...

talent

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.

- Arthur Schopenhauer

and i guess i can’t really add much to a good point. in fact, sometimes writers run the risk of making a point less by trying to unpack it. for me, the crux of it all lies in the fact that talent means little. talent creates potential. talent does not convert it.

i guess that’s where we come in. either through genius (as this arthur fellow seems to think), or simply through persistence or hard work.

sleep

entertainment asks for more of me.
there is more to watch.
more to click.
my eyes can stay open therefore they do.
lashes meet but diverge again.


creativity is paused.

stillness now deafens me.
peaceful noise.
and i’m left hoping for more
of a good thing
while kissing the bad.

birds and words

why write about the birds?
my words steal from the birds beauty more than they could ever add to it
the birds don’t need words
politicians need words
i need words