twofold releases 'touch without feeling'

ok, so as far as possible i always like to try and keep different parts of my life separate. like my varsity life is seperate from my music and my music blog is separate from my personal blog. for those who don't know, i'm in a band called 'twofold' and our blog is at www.twofoldmusic.com.

but this week was a special one, and it has caused my music excitement to spill over into more personal affairs. i am afterall one person with one heart and so there's bound to be spillage.

so this wednesday kerri, chris and i locked ourselves in a room at our church and decided to work on 5 tracks for a demo EP... it was hard work and rather frustrating, but i was actually surpried at how nicely it came together on the day. by 2pm we had done numerous takes for 3 songs that still was going to need much editing and cutting and pasting, but we were making progress at least- and so when our heads were pounding little too much to bear anymore, we took a walk to mc donalds and had a breather and got some fresh air... you know- as i'm bloggin this i realise that it's actually quite boring if you weren't there. so i'm not going to make it interesting. so let me tell you the highlight for me:
at about 5:20pm chris had to leave and i was still really keen to record 'rain' cos that is the most asked for recording... so just before packing up, kerri and i did a 'straight take'... that is we recorded vocals and guitar at the same time from start to finish. the track you hear on twofold's facebook page has had no post-production. and to me, it's beautifully vulnerable because of it.

check it out...

being ok alone

So I'm not sure about this one at all, and I think that by me writing this post, I will ultimately contradict myself, but I'm going to blog what's on my mind anyhow...

I'm at the Mugg and Bean in Greenstone. I was going to meet a friend here but then he couldn't so i took my mac out and bought some wi-fi megabytes on my kulula card, to pass time. After checking facebook and the twofold page to see if anyone has said anything I looked up the super 14 fixtures to see how many games i would be able to fit in this weekend. and then I ran out of things to do. It seems that the to-do list shrinks considerably during the holidays!

at about this time- after finishing my first cup of coffee i started to become slightly smug at the fact that i was sitting all on my own and was ok with it-- you see, i have always subscribed to the fact that everyone needs to be okay with spending time on their own. ie. they have to be comfortable with their own company. In my mind, i take it as far as if people can't be alone for very long then they got issues.

so i was getting smug... very proud at how well i was being alone. until i realised just how many distractions are around me... let me list them:
- the TV showing me live rugby (waratahs v cheetahs)
- the coffee in front of me
- the table's conversation next to me that is abundantly interesting
- facebook (which is like being surrounded by 20 people anyway)
- my moblie (from which i have sent 2 text messages already)
- my waitress (her name is Janet and everytime she comes over i keep her chatting for as long as possible)

hm. this alone time is actually just one big distraction that i love. it's the joy of company without the effort of communicating. whoa.

which brings me to an interesting conclusion. my only REAL alone time is with Jesus. when i'm putting my mind on His things. when i'm creating space for him rather than filling up space for me.

sin

sin will always take you farther than what you wanted to go, and cost you more than you were willing to spend...

[not my thought but a good one...]

who i am meets who i should be

there’s this song by a band that i really like called ‘who i am meets who i’ve been’... and i like that track. and this morning i have woken up thinking about who carl should be, and how massively detached i am from him. in fact, i am not even close to who i should (and could) have been.

and then while thinking upon such things and while the heart was heavy i turned to my bible- hoping for some encouragement, maybe a little bit of consolation. i had no such luck... turning to psalm 84 i read: ‘my soul longs and even faints for the courts of the Lord. my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.’

well now. that’s a standard. that’s a benchmark in terms of desire. i know only about myself so i’ll comment only about him... im not even close to that! maybe about twice a year i can honestly say that my heart cries out for God. maybe you are different? im not.

normally when people (especially Christians) talk like this (and by ‘like this’ i mean down at themselves... they normally abate their point right at the end y saying something like one of the following:
- no body is perfect
- thank goodness for Grace that sets me right (if you are christian)
- im only human

in this post there will be no such meandering. i should be more. i could be more. i must be more. this is my only chance.

in closing, there is one more point to consider. who i could have been today doesn’t really matter- im not him. could’ve been him but i’m just me. all i have this morning is who i am and that’s who i must work on, that’s who i must enjoy. that’s who has to live today. and when there is depravity there is a need. and when i need i ask. and when im desperate i ask wholeheartedly. i cry out...

make this something normal into something beautiful...

the vacuum in my Bible...

I was surprised to learn, only just recently, that there is a ‘vacuum’ in my bible: between the time that Malachi (the last book in the Old Testament) finishes and Matthew (first book in the New Testament) starts, there seems to be a void of undocumented history. 300 years of it to be precise.

That fact alone is not all that amazing but when I started to look at a few patterns that led to this ‘vacancy of information’, I learnt some interesting lessons on the character of God. I was helped along this journey very much by Philip Yancey in his book ‘Disappointment with God’.

Let’s look at the trend: God makes Adam and Eve. He is directly involved in their lives and personally kicks them out of the garden when they sin. Next up comes Cain. Even though humans are now away from direct contact with God, when Cain kills Abel, he deals with Cain personally and punishes him then and there. To me, God seems like an angry parent who sends their child to be in his room due to direct and severe misbehaviour. Anyway, with the Israelites he was involved. He dealt personally with Abraham and then later with Moses as he led his people to freedom.

Then what?

Then he stepped back and let man be his voice... No, I’m not talking about Jesus. Not yet anyway. Then came the prophets. God’s voice without God speaking it. It seems to me that during the time of the prophets, God’s heart was slowly breaking. There are many times that God sounds like a hurt and wounded lover who can’t decide whether or not to take back his dirty, slutty wife or to punish her forever by casting her away from him.

This carries on but it seems like God being close to humans is too much for him to bear, and so he backs away and backs away....

And then comes the vacuum. The dead space. God goes quiet. Maybe hurt once too many and unable to face the people he still so dearly loves. I dunno. But I do know that it was as if God disappeared. Centuries of silence.

Weird hey?

Sure, then came Jesus and he was to change things. A new testament. A new covenant. A new unspoiled blood that was to forever promise proximity to God.

Yet, I don’t know if that is the case totally. It seems that even since then God has moved in spurts. Or rather, He has retreated periodically throughout history even after the birth of Christ. I think the medieval times were one of these periods.

I just feel like I have stumbled upon an aspect of God that shows me that sometimes man can make Him unwillingly turn his back on man. Like a hurt lover.

I just want to learn how to be the man that shows God that this generation is not without hope. That there is no need to turn his back because he will take pleasure out of watching earth, or at least pieces of it.

Can my generation be outside the vacuum? Can I help to make it a period in history when God faces us front-on rather than a time when he turns his back to shed yet another tear for his fallen beloved?

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PLEASE NOTE: I have used poetic licence deluxe here. I have taken what many might see as a condecending approach to God that might offend. The truth is that the created will never understand the creator, and I was merely taking an angle that gave me a fresh (and I believe biblical) understanding of the nature of God.

momentum

momentum can’t start tomorrow. it already started yesterday...

talent

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.

- Arthur Schopenhauer

and i guess i can’t really add much to a good point. in fact, sometimes writers run the risk of making a point less by trying to unpack it. for me, the crux of it all lies in the fact that talent means little. talent creates potential. talent does not convert it.

i guess that’s where we come in. either through genius (as this arthur fellow seems to think), or simply through persistence or hard work.