who i am meets who i should be

there’s this song by a band that i really like called ‘who i am meets who i’ve been’... and i like that track. and this morning i have woken up thinking about who carl should be, and how massively detached i am from him. in fact, i am not even close to who i should (and could) have been.

and then while thinking upon such things and while the heart was heavy i turned to my bible- hoping for some encouragement, maybe a little bit of consolation. i had no such luck... turning to psalm 84 i read: ‘my soul longs and even faints for the courts of the Lord. my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.’

well now. that’s a standard. that’s a benchmark in terms of desire. i know only about myself so i’ll comment only about him... im not even close to that! maybe about twice a year i can honestly say that my heart cries out for God. maybe you are different? im not.

normally when people (especially Christians) talk like this (and by ‘like this’ i mean down at themselves... they normally abate their point right at the end y saying something like one of the following:
- no body is perfect
- thank goodness for Grace that sets me right (if you are christian)
- im only human

in this post there will be no such meandering. i should be more. i could be more. i must be more. this is my only chance.

in closing, there is one more point to consider. who i could have been today doesn’t really matter- im not him. could’ve been him but i’m just me. all i have this morning is who i am and that’s who i must work on, that’s who i must enjoy. that’s who has to live today. and when there is depravity there is a need. and when i need i ask. and when im desperate i ask wholeheartedly. i cry out...

make this something normal into something beautiful...