ambivalence

she pushes
i pull
she runs
i wait

wishing more than all collective hope
that we could synchronise
i'm forced to wonder if square is the round
if confusion is the new niche
if refurbishment is the new destroyer

progress is costly
but how much will it cost me still?
stagnation costs more i guess
so i am spent either way

they tell me
your whole life is ahead of you
but if 22 can't be caught
then why wait for the promise of the rest?

in despair i wait
but claim the day i must
when see i another day like this one?
when want i another life besides mine?

the things i say are the things i'm not sure about
and the things im sure of are the things i can't have
ambivalence they call it
ambivalence it is